Today George Walker Bush was inaugurated as the 43rd president of the United States. I am sure all of you would like a behind the scenes look at George's big day. Here's what really happened.
8:00 a.m.: George gets up, showers with dope on a rope, can't decide what to wear. Should he wear what he slept in or something fancier like his special gold embossed shit kicker boots.
9:00 a.m.: Calls Orkin and orders them to debug the White House.
9:15 a.m.: Calls the Wolf Man and orders new furniture.
9:30 a.m.: George's favorite wooden chair with the straps is delivered to the Oval office. He affectionately refers to it as "old Sparky".
10:00 a.m.: George sits down to have breakfast with his family. He has a tall glass of orange juice and sliced fruit topped off by lots of vodka.
10:30 a.m.: Bush family leaves for Capitol. The motorcade returns to the hotel. They forgot George W.
10:45 a.m.: Three demonstrators ambush the Bush motorcade as it arrives at the Capitol. The demonstrators are shot dead.
11:00 a. m.: George W. takes a practice run down the Capitol and falls down the steps. He rolls down Pennsylvania Avenue.
11:30 a.m.: Where's George W.? George W. sits next to the real President of the United States.
12:02 a.m.: George is sworn in. He swears he is the President of the United States and Gore isn't.
12:05 a.m.: George tearfully embraces his Father and whispers, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!".
12:10 p.m.: George gives his address. 1600 Pencilvania Avenue.