Excerpts of Inaugural Address of George W. Bush

This  transfer of authority is rare in history, yet common in our country. With a simple hanging Chad and outdated voting machines, we affirm old traditions, and make new beginnings. As I begin, I thank President Clinton for his service.  And I thank President Gore for a contest conducted with spirit, and ended with me kind of being elected.

I am honored and humbled to stand here weaving, where so many of America's liters have come before me, and so many will follow.

While Republicans prosper, no one else does. The ambitions of some Americans are limited by failed promises by politicians and hidden agendas, and of circumstances of their lowly birth. And sometimes our differences run so deep, we share nothing and never will.

We accept this, but we will not allow it. Our unity, our union, is the serious work of leaders and no one else.   And this is my solemn pledge: I will work to build a single nation of Busch, Budweiser , and Miller to help all citizens of every generation  forget their problems.

I know this is within our reach, because we are guided by a power larger than ourselves, my malt liquor.

America has never been united by blood  or birth or soil until now (thanks Jeb!). We are bound by deals that move us beyond Texas and teach us what it means to be President of the world.. Every child must be under government control.  Every citizen must uphold this. And every immigrant must get the hell out of my country.

America, at its best, matches a commitment to principle with a concern for civility. A sober society is a boring society demanding from each of us good will and respect, fair dealing and forgiveness.  So let's all get drunk and screw up.

I believe that our politics can afford to be petty because, in a time of peace, the steaks at our barbecues are the size of Texas. But the steaks, for America, are small. If our country does not lead the cause of freedom, it will not be fed. If we do not turn the hearts of children toward brainwashing , we will lose them. If we permit our economy to drift and decline, the vulnerable Wall Street will suffer most.

Sometimes in life we are called to do great things. But as a saint I have said, every day I am called to do small things.   The most important tasks of my home are done by my wife.

What you do is not as important as anything government does. I ask you to give up your comfort; to defend uniforms, that I never wore, against easy attacks; to serve your nation, beginning with soup and salad..

Americans are generous and strong and decent, not because we believe in ourselves, but because we know we are better than everyone else. When this spirit of citizenship is missing, no government program can replace it, not even the cheese program.

After the Declaration of Independence was signed, Virginia statesman John Page wrote to Thomas Jefferson: ''We know the Race is not to the swift nor the Battle to the Strong. Do you not think an Angel rides in the Whirlwind and directs this Storm?'' (what the hell was he thinking when he wrote that?).

Much time has passed since Jefferson arrived for his inauguration. He too shamed this office with his indiscretions.  But the themes of this day he would know: our nation's grand bullshit story of courage , and its simple dream of digging up dirt.

I am not this story's Author, because I don't know how to write.  I am doing this to fill time and make my daddy proud.. My purpose is achieved in my duty; and my duty is fulfilled by breathing precious air and taking up space in the White House.

Never tiring, never yielding, never finishing, I renew my purpose today: to make our country a place where every citizen can get stoned.

This work continues. The bullshit story goes on. And my father still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.

God bless you and God bless America...I'm king of the world!